Regrets
by tatecherie
Summary: Post-Aliyah. When Ziva leaves, NCIS is changed. But just when some get used to her being gone, Gibbs gets a startling call, and she's pulled right back into their lives. TIVA, and some MCABBY if you look closely. Rated T just in case.
1. Taboo

**Disclaimer: **I (unfortunately) do not own NCIS or any of its characters, and I probably never will. But hey, one day, it could happen.

Hey everyone! This is my first fic, so please be nice....although I do love criticism! This is mostly just drabble, but depending on if I get good reviews from you guys, I'll continue it! Thanks for reading!

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**Chapter 1**

"She's never coming back, is she?" Tony DiNozzo asked, staring at his phone. He looked up at Gibbs for an answer, but his boss never offered one. Instead, he just stared at his computer screen, pretending not to notice that his senior field agent had just asked _the_ question.

She had been gone for over a month now, and they hadn't heard from her since. Her name had become a taboo, avoided in everyday conversations. Everyone in the office had figured out the truth, no matter how badly they wanted to deny it. No one even spoke of Israel, let alone Tel Aviv, unless they absolutely had to. She was never coming back.

While it seemed like everyone had forgotten her, no one really had. They were all still hanging on to her in some way, hanging on to the thread of hope that she _might_ come back. Especially Tony. No matter how attached they were to her, how badly they wanted her back, Tony had them beat.

He thought about her day and night, never stopping, always wondering......"What if?"

_What if he hadn't gotten into her business?_

_What if he hadn't kept things from her?_

_What if he hadn't shot Rivkin?_

_What if he had told her how badly he hurt, because she was hurting?_

_What if he had told her __everything__ he was thinking?_

_What if she had never left?_

_What if all of this had just....never happened?_

Tony sighed as he slowly got up from his desk, running his hand through his hair. He walked across the 'bullpen' to stand in front of her old desk. He placed a hand on it, then glanced at the empty chair, sighing a second time. Gibbs couldn't help the brief wave of sympathy that washed over him as he watched him. No one was taking this worse than Tony. No one. Of course they all missed her, and of course they all wanted her back. But Tony.......he was a different story, a complicated one at that. Gibbs wondered if he would ever get over her.......their bantering, constant stream of arguments, their occasional long, somber discussions, their meetings in the men's restroom......

As if Tony could read his mind, he started walking over to the head, his chin up, but eyes downcast. His phony attitude wasn't fooling anyone- they could see it all in his eyes. The last time he had been like this was when Kate Todd had died....Tony was, again, the one to take it the hardest. Gibbs knew he still hadn't fully gotten over her violent death- no one really had. But Tony had had something special with Kate.....something no one else had. No one could really explain it, but something about their (complete) opposite personalities had just clicked from the beginning, whether they had liked to admit it or not. Tony had changed some after her death.

And there was Paula Cassidy. She had been another agent, who had grown close to Tony as well. They mostly had a flirtatious, tension-filled relationship, but they had had their moments. And then she died. Tony was a little different after her death as well.

But then, there was Jeanne Benoit. Oh jeez.....Tony had dug himself a deep hole with her. Once he had fallen in love with her, there was no stopping it. But then the ugly truth had eventually come out, and it all had gone downhill from there. After she had gone, he was a different man- no one could _not_ see the change in him.

And now, there was her. Gibbs honestly didn't know if he could just let go after all this time. He watched him walk through the doors of the men's restroom, not saying a word. As soon as the door closed behind him though, the phone abruptly rang. Gibbs sighed and picked it up.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Shalom, my friend," the low voice sounded on the other line.

"Director David." Gibbs replied, trying oh, so hard to disguise his enthusiasm.

"Of course. And how is NCIS this lovely day?"

"I don't have time, David."

"Of course not. Well, I am calling on behalf of my daughter. She is not....well. In fact, she is quite the opposite."

"Ziva...." The word sounded foreign to him, like he hadn't heard it in years. It was the first time he had heard her name spoken out loud since the day after everyone had found out she was gone.

"Yes, Ziva. She went to finish Officer Rivkin's mission and....." he searched for the right words. "Got tangled up in numerous ways."

"What kinds of ways?"

"I am not exactly able to disclose that right now."

"And why not?" Gibbs was getting angry at the lack of information that was (or was not) coming out of Eli David's mouth.

"Because...I do not know anything."

"Then _**why**_ are you telling me this?" he shouted.

"Because, Agent Gibbs.....she has requested for _you_ to help her."

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So, anything? Reviews are greatly appreciated! Let me know if I should just give this up or continue on. Thanks!


	2. Living with Regrets

**Disclaimer: **I STILL do not own "NCIS" or any of its characters...but a girl can dream, right?

Hey everyone! Thanks sooo much for the reviews and for all of you that subscribed/favorited the story! This might take a while for me to get started back up again...I wasn't prepared to make a whole story out of this! Haha. But thanks again for all of the support!

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**Chapter 2**

The footsteps echoed across the room, reaching Ziva's ear. She grimaced, knowing what was coming next.

"Are you ready to tell us what you know?"

Ziva just sneered, silent and vicious.

"Well, then, I guess we will have to do this the more.... difficult way, yes?"

"When have we ever done it the _easy_ way?" she hissed back, spitting on her tormentor's shoes. That remark earned her a slap in the face, which she took without complaint. The man got angry when no response came from her, so he planted his fist in her stomach.

She gasped for air, desperately trying to breathe. She let out a quiet groan as her breath released, squinting her eyes and clenching her fists through the pain.

"That is better," the man said, thoroughly enjoying her pain. "Now, I want to know everything about NCIS."

"I will die before I give up anything." She replied simply.

The next thing she knew, her captor grinned widely. "I knew it....you like them over there, no? You belong there, like you never belonged in your father's family."

Ziva tried to hide the sudden rush of emotions that overwhelmed her, but didn't manage to disguise them. And this, her captor saw.

"So you did. And, you even possibly...._loved_ a man over in that _sinful_ place? Am I not right?" He sneered in a mocking manner. Ziva looked down at her feet. "How anyone could ever love anyone in that....awful country, I just..." he was cut off by the other man that was keeping Ziva hostage.

"Ari? We have visitors...."

"_ARI?" _Ziva suddenly felt like she had been punched in the stomach again. Ari? This couldn't be happening......it was like they knew _exactly _how to get inside her head...they knew all the tricks.

"ARI!!" the man shouted worriedly.

"Shalev! It is under control!" he shouted back, as he walked out of the room. He slammed the heavy metal door behind him.

Ziva rolled her eyes. _Shalev._ Shalev meant "peace" in Hebrew. These men were anything _but _peaceful. As if to prove her point, two gunshots were heard, closely followed by a third.

She coughed suddenly, and then wiped the sweat and blood off her face on her shoulder. Bad mistake- she felt the pain rack through her body, even though she had made only the slightest movement. She made a mental note to be more careful, to save up energy if they ever came for her.

_If they ever came for her._

She glanced upwards, hoping with the little hope she had left. Would he ever come for her? She had asked for Gibbs specifically, but she didn't know if he would ever even forgive her.........

She thought back to the last month, when her father had told her. Vance had finally given Gibbs the horrible truth. She remembered the pain rippling through her, the heartache, the tears. She had hoped Gibbs would never have to hear the truth- why she had really killed Ari- because it wasn't how she felt anymore.

Ziva David had been trained by the best to hunt, to find, to kill. She had been trained to avoid any emotional attachments, to never confuse her feelings with her mission. And that's how she had come into this mission, with only one objective. She had originally had her sight trained on the goal, and she felt like nothing could have ever stopped her.

But she was wrong. When she had joined Gibbs' team, she had seen what real friends were like, felt what a real family was like. She had finally found somewhere she had belonged, and she liked it more than anything she had ever experienced. She loved everyone in that office, no matter how annoying they could get. And she never wanted to hurt them. And that's why she was where she was. Ziva knew she would never give up information on them- she would rather die than hurt those she loved.

But did they know that? Did they know how much she loved them? Would they ever know? She was giving up her life for them, and she would never even get to say goodbye.

Goodbye. She had never told Tony goodbye in Israel. She had been so infuriated with him, so upset, that she couldn't even see him clearly through the burning rage in her eyes. And now.....it was a chance she had missed out on. She would never get it back. It was now the past, _the_ regret. And now, the only thing she wanted to do was apologize for accusing him, and to be held in his arms, where she was safe.

The door suddenly opened up. "Well, Beloved, shall we try again?" Ari smiled repulsively.

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Any thoughts, comments, suggestions? I'm open for whatever! Sorry this chapter is so short....it's most definitely not the best. I'll have more for you later, and I do promise Tiva and Mcabby later....I'm just trying to work out the base of my story haha. Review, review, review! Thanks!


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